Scared

I am starting to get really scared. I know I will have an answer in a couple days, but that does not make anything easier! I know there is something wrong, but what...How bad is it going to be.
I want more than anything to raise my kids. I want to be there when my daughter gets married. To think I may miss out on that scares me to death.
I don't want to live for ever... All I want is to see my kids grow up. I want to see my boys grow into the men I know the will become.
I know all to well how fast life can be taken from you. I woke up to my baby dead, I watch my 50 year old father die and not so long ago I burried my 16 year old daughter. So I try so hard to make the best of my life, but that has been hard the last few months. There are days I can't get out of bed and when I can I am usually in so much pain that I don't do much of anything.
If this turns out to be lupus, then I can handle that. I will work as hard as I can to keep myself heathly. I just hope it is something I can control......