spending the night crying and heart broken

It has come to my attention that some people think that I am faking my illness and that I post on facebook so much to gain attention. My 1st question is how can you fake a paralyzed stomach? I cant just go in there and say hey stomach...I DONT WANT YOU TO WORK TODAY!
This really upsets me. This illness has changed my life so much. I use to be a person so full of life. I could take my kids to the park anytime I wanted to. Now I have to watch my daughter cry, because I cannot do the things I use to with her. For someone to say that I am faking... That person really does not know me at all! I am a very independent person who HATES someone taking care of me.
As for the attention....Sure I love attention, but not this kind. I don't want to be known as the sick girl. I want to be known as the Sherry I have always been. The one who knows what she wants in live and will do everything to achieve my goals.
The bad part of it is the person who said this, is the person who is suppose to be closest to me. The person that should be my rock and help me through all of this. Instead that person has informed me that they do not want me to discuss my health with them anymore. This person is tired of hearing all the bad in life. It is depressing this person. I wish this person could get their head out of their ass and stop to think for a minute what this has done to me!
I asked a loaded, life changing question tonight and the answer just broke my heart. I now know how my story will end. Amazing how things change in a blink of an eye. Amazing how you can think so much of a person and they let you down time after time. Amazing how someone you love so much can make you feel like shit because you are sick. Amazing how love is suppose to pull you through everything, I guess in this case....we have a different view of what love is.

Scared

I am starting to get really scared. I know I will have an answer in a couple days, but that does not make anything easier! I know there is something wrong, but what...How bad is it going to be.
I want more than anything to raise my kids. I want to be there when my daughter gets married. To think I may miss out on that scares me to death.
I don't want to live for ever... All I want is to see my kids grow up. I want to see my boys grow into the men I know the will become.
I know all to well how fast life can be taken from you. I woke up to my baby dead, I watch my 50 year old father die and not so long ago I burried my 16 year old daughter. So I try so hard to make the best of my life, but that has been hard the last few months. There are days I can't get out of bed and when I can I am usually in so much pain that I don't do much of anything.
If this turns out to be lupus, then I can handle that. I will work as hard as I can to keep myself heathly. I just hope it is something I can control......